My Fertility Journey
Volume 3
As many of you know, we’ve been trying to grow our family for three years now. Arrow was a one-attempt success story, so we assumed getting pregnant again would be easy. But after my cesarean delivery, the doctor told us to wait a year before trying again—and we listened.
Month after month, we were met with negative pregnancy tests. I tracked my ovulation. I used ovulation strips, the Mira device, and leaned on a friend who specializes in this kind of thing to guide me on what to eat and when. I tried supplements and so much more. I always had an explanation for why I wasn’t getting pregnant.
At first, I thought it was because I was breastfeeding. That made sense—1.5 years of trying to get pregnant, but 2.5 years of my life spent nursing. I was exhausted. My body probably knew it couldn’t handle another baby physically. I was okay with that explanation.
Then I blamed weight gain. I tried different “healthy” eating plans—still nothing. I exercised. I even followed advice from a friend who knew how to eat and move during your cycle to help with conception. Still, no luck.
Maybe it was the Zoloft I take for anxiety. I wasn’t on it when I got pregnant the first time. So, we weaned off that—and still nothing.
Then I thought maybe I was just trying too hard. I was constantly tracking ovulation, using strips, the Mira device, watching for every little body change. So, I stopped tracking altogether eight months ago—still nothing.
Victor does cold plunges—he dives for work in freezing cold temps—and he takes pre-workout. This has to be it, right? But his semen analysis came back “normal.”
What it is—and what it’s always been—is God. 🙏 It’s not my plan. It’s His. I find so much comfort in that. He knows so much more than I do and has countless reasons I may never understand. Maybe my body can’t take another childbirth. Maybe there’s a different purpose for me now. Maybe this is exactly where I’m meant to be.
I’ve never begged God for another child. I deeply know that if it’s His will, it will happen. I’ve begged God for far less before—things I thought I needed—but that was before I truly understood how blessed I already am. Asking for more just isn’t an option for me.
Do I have really hard and sad days because of this? Yes, absolutely. It’s so easy to focus on what you don’t have instead of what you do. But I mostly snap out of it quickly—because God blessed me with Arrow, and that will always be enough. 💛
